Some fun thoughts for today...

FUN WORDS OF THE DAY...turducken, mistletoe and nog. Used in a sentence... The war was tough. I saw many turds-ducken due to the mistletoe warhead the enemy had shot at us. There was sickness everywhere and the soldiers had taken their pills but lost the use of their nog. Lesson? War is bad. Give peace a chance. Merry Christmas Little Baby Jesus.

SUBWAY...

So I am in a Subway in The Maritimes. The place was empty except for some very large young men in the corner eating like they havent eaten in days. I felt the same hunger but thought I would never eat like that and look so desperate for food. I probably have done it but I am sure I breath a bit more between bites. I walked to the order spot at the lean/sneeze/touch/breath-on/drop-stuff-on glass guard and waited patiently for service. After watching the three employees chat about 'stuff' and laugh not once, not twice but thrice before one of them turned and served me, I wondered if I was in for what happens to me all the time and that is bad service from a sub-par fat food restaurant. I didnt leave out the 's' in the word fat by the way. At this point, time is irrelevant because at this point its about respect for the customer. I dont expect A-plus service from any Subway or any 'fast food' depot but I do desire respect. As in common sense, everyday, normal respect that would be given to anyone who walked in to a place of service. It was a bad start to what has been a great relationship throughout all their stores.

The good part is coming up,: this isn't a long rant. The Sub Artist turns to me and welcomes me properly (respectfully) and asks me what type of sub etc that I want. So far so good. After he had his water cooler chat with his two co-workers. He thens ruins his recovery with "You want cheddar? Cheddar." The chatter for cheddar was a delay as his eyes wandered the crispy wet chunky veggies belt. He says "cheddar" one more time and looks up like he was just asked about a theory of relativity and says "what color is that?". "Orange" I reply with what I am sure was a look of total disbelief. "Orange" he says as if to repeat it and make sure his brain registered that for the next customer who orders cheddar. "Orange"=cheddar. Cheddar is orange. He got it. I know he got it. Now to the register.

I get to the register and am asked what sub I had. I tell them without hesitation and not that this part matters but he didnt ask me the regular question about up-selling to a combo. As a former service manager, this is important for sales and a part of every employees psyche and curriculum for making the store money. He didnt ask it. Hunh. He does ask me two more times what I had though. Two more. I look up and say Sweet Onion etc etc. I wondered how much weed they had just smoked out back and exactly how many ounces were probably spilled onto my sub? First Chatty Cheddar asks me what color cheddar is and now Freddy Forgets My Sub cant remember 4 words I just said to him 3 times. Wow. So, I do get the combo which includes a drink (apparently of my choosing as I didnt get the usual cup) from the fridge and including all the expensive drinks. I didnt have to get a cheap fountain pop which was nice, so what did I get? Water. I am trying to eat better so I go with water. Boring I know but effective for losing weight. I also waited for my combo part which includes the sub, a drink and a cookie or, in this case, chips; baked chips of course. I didnt get my chips though. Freddy Forgets My Sub stands there chatting with Chatty Cheddar and their third mate for about 30 seconds and I have to say "excuse me, can I have my chips, the Baked Lays I asked for". He tells me they took the chips out back for some reason but I am standing there looking at the display and I point to the rack right beside him. Let me repeat that. Right beside him. Duuuude, they are right there. Right there dude. So I get my Baked Lays with a lot of giggling and apologies and leave with my boring water and Sweet Onion sub and think to myself as I am reading the "baked" word on my chip bag; speaking of baked!

International Words in baseball (ADULT CONTENT)

My friend YJ tells me he wants to learn "reality" English and I understand what he is saying. There is a difference between how we should talk, how we really talk and then mix in the sarcasm and many meanings of one word; it gets pretty tough to learn English. I lived in Korea and learned as much Korean as possible but wanted to learn what the common person was saying, not the business people.

He attends baseball with us and hears the guys talking to one another. He tries to learn what we are saying, not only the baseball content but the real life stories we tell and discuss while playing the game. We speak very quickly and with a lot of 'F' bombs and a few other colorful words mixed in. He loves it because its real and shows the true way men speak when men get together. I asked him what my teammates said when I played in Korea and he said "same". He said they probably talked about home life, women, baseball and work. Same old same old. Meaning they say the same things during games over there as we do here in Canada. But he didn't hear the conversations as clear in the first games as well as he does now. I asked him what he heard when he first came to the games and he smiled, he giggled and said "The words I hear are fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck". Pause " and more fucks".

I guess English is the international language but there is one word that seems to cross borders quicker than the language itself; read above.

A freind of mine, who we will call YJ, is South Korean. He answers the door at his home-stay this past week to a man selling his candy for $5 a box. The man explained to YJ that it was for charity and it was legit. YJ says in very understandable English that he has no money on him and he is sorry he can't buy some candy. The man says "ne how" and looks at my freind and smiles. My freind smiled and politely said "I am not Chinese", so the man in his wisdom and obviously confused state says "oh, I'm sorry, konichewa". My freind smiles again and says "I am not Japanese". The man turned and walked away as quick as he could. Head down. Fast. Past the car and down the road. Real fast.

YJ was laughing during this story and told me the man was very very red faced as he walked away with his head down. Thats probably the last time that guy will try to ID an Asian or try to talk a language he doesnt know.

American hunger

So I am driving along today listening to the double edged radio show by Howard Stern. Its on Satellite radio and it has been a saviour for me on long boring highway trips. Howard Stern offers neanderthal comedy, more sex content than a Ron Jeremy bio and retarded arguments amongst employees and guests who are lacking brain cells BUT... On the show today, Robin Givens, his sidekick with a brain, says "one in eight American children have hunger issues". I don't remember the exact number for the households that hunger issues but it was in the millions; the millions! One in eight kids are hungry at school, at soccer and or at their friend's house because they cant get a proper meal due to whatever reason. One in eight! Wow.

Recently, I was in Orlando, Florida. Great city with obnoxious buildings due to Disney influence and big water slides litter the skyline. There is money there and lots of it. The issue I have with Americans and their hunger issues is related directly to the trip to Orlando.

My wife and I are middle income people and live a somewhat normal life with the odd high end or expensive trip. We stay in nice hotels with nice restaurants and nice pools. We eat well and drink well with our hard earned money. At all the restaurants we order modest meals and have moderate amounts of liquids. So that sets the scene. Keep in mind the one in eight stat.

Every time we left a restaurant we all (4 people) said the same thing "I am too full" or "I am stuffed". We ate at a very nice restaurant, I was very hungry from not eating lunch so a good meal was what I needed. The steaks came out on a platter and the restaurant's smallest steak was 20ozs! The smallest one here in Canada at a regular restaurant is usually 8ozs or tops 12ozs. When you go to a higher end one, its usually 16ozs. The largest steak at this restaurant was 55ozs!! I asked if they sell a lot of those and the very smart waiter said yes and that its surprising how many order it. Imagine!! The smallest steak was 20ozs. The regular sized steaks were well over 30ozs. I am a big dude and I can eat but that is crazy. A family of three or four could eat a modest 6ozs each of a 30ozs steak and when you add the side dished they would be fine. The biggest steak was the size of my two fists and I have meat hooks for hands. One in eight.

Back to the meal. The steak dinner came with a large lasagna bowl with mash potatoes smothered in garlic and butter. This bowl was for two people not for the table. So, I have ordered their smallest steak and I get half of a large lasagna bowl of potatoes. My wife ate her fish and had a few bites of the potatoes. We finished a quarter of that bowl. One in eight.

We also got bread for the table (free) and that was a big basket with more than enough for us. There was bread left over. Bread, steaks fit for a family of four and potatoes that would make a 300lbs trucker smile. One in eight.

Two beers too and a dessert later and we are all very full and feeling pretty crappy. Everyone one of us had food leftover. Who can eat that much food and stay healthy? Who can eat that much food and feel good about it when one in eight are hungry? I had heard that American servings were big and I just experienced it.

We had a few other meals that were still bigger than the norm and each time we ate, we left food as it was too much to eat. I love food and I am a big guy who can eat so me leaving food on a plate is odd but every meal was too big to eat it and feel comfortable as I shopped or walked around the hotel grounds. One of the last restaurants we ate at was the final nail in my thoughts on American hunger and national weight issues...

The meal we had was excellent and ... STAY TUNED!

55 Minutes in Winnipeg International Airport

So let me start off by saying that the day started very normal; breakfast, phone calls and emails. Nothing odd at all. Then we stepped into what can only be described as a comedic sequence of Bizaro events. Read on my curious kitties.

11:00 AM

Mark and I were in Winnipeg for business. We walked across the cross walk to the airport and in slow motion, the fun began. First of all, the West Jet counter is very tight to the entrance to the airport. I looked straight ahead and saw lots of people and lots of action as soon as we stepped out of the cold. I looked down the airport and it was emptier than Paris Hiltons head. Not a soul in a long corridor of counters and airline desks. Reminded me of the hotel in the Shining. Although, West Jet was busy and jammed right up to the entrance.
So of course we are thinking "oh oh, were gonna be late". We get in a line that was short but if you know me, I get in short lineups at McDonalds, Wal-Mart, the movies or even the emerg at the hospital and the person behind the counter immediately turns into a "special worker". Nothing ever goes smooth or quick. So guess what? Sir Packs-A-Lot in front of us didn't pack anything right and so Kenny The Wonder Agent was making sure all bags were zipped, carriages were bagged and tags were stuck just right on the angelic baggage. So after a solid 15 people went through the adjacent line, we make it the one spot we needed to get to the counter and Kenny (the sup’a agent), says "HI THERE!!". I think he starred in Jesus Christ Super Star in high school but was Mary, not Jesus. He asks Mark if he has carry-on, of which, Mark says yes. K.S.A. (Kenny Super Agent) asks if it’s heavy and Mark says no and glimpses at me with a raised eyebrow. K.S.A. Says let's weigh it anyway in his Mary voice. Mark weighs it and K.S.A… says "oh wow, that's way over, go ahead" and turns to greet me. Mark was left standing there with a "way over, go ahead" bag wondering what the hell just happened. We are still not sure why he weighed it other than he was acting again. Like in high school. This time for the security cameras or his company’s cameras.
The desk at West Jet is a walk-thru and then you personally drop your own luggage on the belt. But this day there were 3 teenage girls at our feet rummaging through their bags, in the middle all the chaos, right where we needed to go. No West Jet employee urging them to move or even slide to the side. It took us another few minutes just to get by Miley Cirus and her groupies. Oh ya, Old Man Johnson’s bag exploded open right at the baggage belt so he was picking up his gear as I literally tiptoed through landmines of teenage iPods, shirts and old man underwear. I calmly placed my bag on the conveyor and walked away, leaving the circus atmosphere behind me. Well not really. I noticed as you place your bag on the belt, the very public walking area is adjacent to the belt entrance. So in other words, any idiot could walk up and place a sketchy bag on the belt and K.S.A. would never know. This was WTF item number 5 or 6 at this point. We let out a hearty laugh and kept on.

11:15 AM

We walked upstairs commenting on the entrance, K.S.A., the teenage bag-field and Old Man Johnson’s yard sale and the free range bag belt. This was in a 15 minute timeframe. Leaving Winnipeg was turning out to be entertaining as hell.
It’s somewhat quiet upstairs until we round the corner, laughing at the disaster behind us. HELLO! ... the lineup for security is the length of an exodus from Nigeria! People 4 wide for about 10000 yards and not even where they were suppose to be. Just as I was thinking, how can anyone move around to shop or pee with this line where it is, a small linebacker woman yells at rock concert level "please move in front of these stores over here!”. We moved with the group like cattle till we reached the super security area.
It happened again....except this time it was Mrs. Paul Blart, security linebacker barking orders of; DO NOT carry on gels, DO NOT carrr on liquids, soaps or sharp objects or you will be black listed like an OJ lawyer and sent back out with your criminal effects and interrogated Winnipeg style. As we shuffled through her coral, she barked more info about security I will never need to know. I could write a little if you want? No? Ok but its interesting to know that, and I quote "we wouldn't want one to be escorted out of the line and interrogated now would one!!?" She-Ra of security was on point man! She loved her job. Mark and I were starting to laugh a little too much for her liking and of course we got looks. Another version of her security of gels and soaps rendition came out of her. Chaos in a small space with 300 strangers is funny somehow. Watching a small little lady yell the same stuff over and over again was just comical and annoying. Kind of like when a friend is poking you and saying “You want a poke? You want a poke? You want a poke?”
So after a brief moment of letting several panicked late passengers through, we made it to the x-ray machines. This has to go smooth. No odd events, people on the floor, dropped bags and surely no gels or liquids out here n XRay Alley. Right? Wrong.
We were actually making it through smooth and then....remember my luck with lines? It happens. First, Giant Belly Man hits me no less than 6 or 40 times with his weather balloon gut, as we are shuffling through the line. Do fat people not have nerve endings on their big bellies? This dude was not only bucking me, he was breathing heavier than Oprah after reaching for a pen. Anyway, Ms. Lady Panic complains to security she is going to be late for her flight. She somehow got She-Ra Security to hold our lineup to discuss her being late. Did I mention they held the line as she was telling them about her journey? So Giant Belly Man starts grumbling that we could have been through the lineup in the time it took Ms. Lady Panic to explain her problems. Good point Giant Belly Man! Too bad you didn't apply your logic to exercise. Oh yes, as we pass through the x-ray lineup behind Ms. Lady Panic, she runs of, in of course, a panic. Leaving her jacket and bag behind. Bizaro world item number 7 or 8. We saw her running back about 2 minutes later for her jacket. Funny. Real funny.

11:38 AM

So Mark and I calmly walk to Tim’s, grab a coffee and donut. We saunter over to sit down and watch rain storms approaching metro Winnipeg. Just as Mother Nature drops rain, Agent Funny Talk comes on the mic. Do you see where this is going?. "Good afternoon ladeeth and gentlemen, your flight for Calgary will be thhleaving thhortly".....a pause as someone taps her shoulder and whispers to her..."my apologeeethhh! Fffllight to Toronto!! Thhith flight came from Calgary. Thhorry to tthartle you". I heard someone say under their breath "have another beer". I asked Mark if we were being punked? Were there cameras around us, playing a pretty funny trick on us? I was trying not to laugh but come on! Between K.S.A., Mrs. Paul Blart, Giant Belly Man, Ms. Panic Lady and Agent Funny Talk, we had lots of ammunition for a story. I am going to stop talking about Agent Funny Talk. It’s too touchy and I don't want to "thhartle" you. The one person on the mic and its Agent Funny Talk.

11:55 AM

So we get on the flight, ready to go home and see our loved ones. I didn't know we were going to get a double whammy on the plane. We are taxi-ing out and the Flight Attendant says "hello everyone", blah blah blah, "at the front is Lara, in the middle, Laura, here in front with me is Lucy and I am Lancelot". Whhhhhat? If there was one person laughing there were 150. He said "serious, that's my name". More laughs. "He then looks out over the crowd from behind the wall and says "I'm serious!". Everyone stopped laughing. More red faces from Mark and I and some more laughs. Man this was getting tiring.
So as we are passing over Quebec: how do I know we were over Quebec? Because Second Officer Motor Mouth told us that if we continue on our current stream with a wind speed velocity of 459kms an hour we will hit a down spiral generated frick frack rim raw jupe jamp with a spil pannner and we will make it to Halifax 15 minutes early. Well geez I wish I knew that before I got on the time machine airplane with the mad scientist pilot. I never knew pilots could spew more BS than they already do but let's say that this pilot had lots to eat the night before so lots to go around. Even the Flight Attendant stopped and leaned on the cart as he educated us. Funny? Funny? It was enough for one day. Enough for a few days.
We just wanted to go home and directly home. I think we went thousands of extra kms because we went through Bizaro World and then home.
A side note to all this is that I am in Winnipeg again and as I was walking to baggage through the correct doors and correct walkway, a voice came over the speakers "please stop! You are in a restricted area! Please return to your previous area!" Geez, you have no idea how I want to proceed to my previous area.

Haligonia.ca interview

I was surprised to see me on the front page of the website! I really was. I am posting the link to the interview so hope you enjoy it.

Ten pounds on TV and 15 on the internet! HAAA.

http://live.haligonia.ca/halifax-ns/sports/1574-steve-betts-on-haligonia-sports.html

Bettsee

Welcome!

Its time to reak some havoc on the world of the 'net! I see things in a odd way sometimes and want to share these observations with you. I am doing this because 1. I was told to and 3. I like to vent. Number 2. was irrelevant. So stay tuned and we will see if we cant make you smile, think and have some reading that may take you away from reality. Anything I can do to help...

Bettsee